Well my friends, this one beat me. I worked consistently with Ares for about a week into this and like he said, he broke me. As I have been job seeking, I have been doing well getting interviews only to be shut out. All my credentials and all I have accomplished have been reduced to rubble. The best job I could land was janitorial work. My ego is destroyed. It seems in this life I keep getting lessons in humility and patience. I have been all of these time and time again. But I felt after all I endured, maybe, just maybe the universe would let me find a vocation that I loved, and job where I could not wait to get up and do it.
So for the past week I have tried sigil work, offerings, and such to sway the cosmos to my will and yet have failed time and time again. I am flat, my mana is weak, and Ares has broken me on his wheel. So I took the janitorial job with no other prospects in sight. My education, and the fact I survived three deployments in hostile environments, building from an abusive and destitute childhood, yes I did live in a trailer down by the river growing up, and still in my mid-forties, I struggle. So I resign for the time being. I need to take a step back, breathe, re-focus, and then figure out my direction. I feel this is for all aspects of my life. Ares has broken me and rightly so.
I'd like to stay in the group if possible to watch you all progress, but for me, I can only go backward so far and feel I have reached that point.